Cat litter

A couple of months ago a colleague came into my cubi…corner office, and asked me to shoot a quick video to seed a contest they were promoting.

Meow!

They handed me a toothpaste package, told me to come up with a new catchphrase for Emeril's BAM! Oh, and be weird.

That's it.

It was Monday morning. I was miserable. The last thing I wanted to do was get on camera and "be weird." But with this economy if someone at work led me to a gloryhole, and it somehow helped me stay off "the list," I would probably put it in my mouth. Not my bum though. I need to draw the line somewhere.

So there I was standing in front of the fake graffiti (because we're so fucking hip, man) and before I knew it the red light went on and BAM! I was meowing into the camera.

I nailed it on one take. That's it. It was a wrap. It was in the can. I felt so demoralized. Like a whore I made the walk of shame back to my corner office and just felt dirty. Abused. Violated.

Thankfully I forgot about this terrific experience, but today I logged onto the site and was astonished to learn that 1,637 intelligent people took the time out of their incredibly busy and productive day to watch me meoww. I felt sick to my stomach. I was praying I didn't win this fucking contest. God almighty.

Then I saw all of the comments and realized, phew, that they hated me. They REALLY hated me.

My favorite is from NoveltyMop:

Learn to jump

then practice

off of a cliff, that is