Creep in Aisle 3
I always think I am under surveillance. I mean I am. Who isn't nowadays? But this is different. I am so self-centered that I think the Eyes in the Sky are always interested in what I am doing. I change my behavior accordingly to appease those faceless watchful eyes. I am constantly trying to show my hands like a dealer at the tables. Clean. All clear. No shoplifting here.
Nobody gives a fuck about what I am doing. Plus, I'm not black. I kid, I kid.
But sometimes I think they really are watching me. And tonight in Borders Books the Eyes in the Sky, had they been doing their jobs properly, should have been following my every creepy move. I spent about 45 minutes in the childrens section while I had Artie Lange's Too Fat to Fish tucked under my arm. I was thumbing through books doing research for work. Honestly. We're doing a pop-up book motiff for a website and I needed to check out some real books for reference. I know, that's what they all say. It was research.
So there I was in the childrens section poring over the inventory like, it was my job, as mothers were tightening their clutch on little Jimmy and Alice. I would put down my venti iced coffee and Artie's masterpiece right next to a cloth book on owls and marvel, sometimes aloud, at the cool intricacies of a particular pop-up book. For the execution. Not the content. It was then that I realized what I was doing, and how I must appear to the frightened mothers on the second floor of Borders.
So I bolted out of the section, but not before getting my hands on season 3 of Arrested Development. Then, I paid in cash. For anonymity, of course.
Also, I have a mustache.
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