Spin cycle

My brother is a prick. Not because he is an asshole, but because he is always right. And when he is right that usually makes me wrong. He has a way of cutting to the chase like nobody Else's business. And he knows me so well that he can push the right buttons. Unlike me, he is succinct. He is a data driven guy and his analytical mind delivers biting commentary like the following:

You should be spinning like a top, but instead you are like two dirty work boots tumbling in the drier. You need to get your shit together.

Hmmph. The defense rests. 10-4. Roger that. Message sent. That's a copy.

I don't know if you guys read the twats on the right column, but I was in 7-Eleven last night at 7:30pm on my lunch break and legitimately considered getting arrested on a misdemeanor charge so that I wouldn't have to go back to work. That's insane. I wish I were lying, but I saw the cop in line and wondered what kind of commotion I could stir up so he would have to put me in a pretzel and slap the cuffs on me.

As I reflected about that comment, forever indelible on the www, my friend Chris inboxed me (the Gen Y term for someone sending you a message on Facebook) wondering if I wanted to go surfing. Of course, I couldn't but offered that he use one of my boards. He did, and said he had a blast just getting out there on the water. I was psyched, but also became very sad about not being able to join him.

So my plan, although not financially sound, is to become a mediocre employee. I've given this place (don't mention the name because our attorneys are threatening termination for any employee who disparages the family) too much with little in return. Sure I get a paycheck and that is a fair exchange, but it seems a little too one-sided recently. I am like a girlfriend who is dating a good looking dude who just wants to hang with his boys rather than watch Netflix and order Italian food. So I am going to give it my all between the hours of 9-5, but peace the hell out knowing full well that I can't change him. He is what he is. And yes, I chose a man as my metaphor because it feels very much like I am being dominated. And when I say man, I mean a horse of a man. OK, I mean a horse. He's a fucking horse.

I lost the entire summer of 2008 to him, and I sure as hell won't repeat that mistake again. Considering that we've traded weather patterns with Seattle I haven't lost too much time. And September is the new August.

I am going to have the best summer. You can find me at the beach, with my shirt on, soaking up the sun. I won't look like Powder again. Nor a guy who still has his hospital bracelet on after being discharged from a two week stay in the ICU.

It's on.